I have decided to move to a bigger city. I got a great job, its closer to my family. Only problem....my ex wont let my kids come with me. So now I get to see them on thier breaks and the summer. I am not happy about this, & have talked to lawyers, they say its costly and I dont have alot to go on. Which I dont understand, when I had no job opportunitys where i was with the kids. & now I do. Im so happy here and things are going really well, why cant I have my kids to. WHy does it have to be such a fight.HE has no job..Goes to school 2 days a week.... no family back there. ahhhhhh... Then again, hes good to the kids, they arent in harms way. they are 10 & 8. I talk to them everyday. I am not doing anything wrong! but as mother it hurts so very bad to not have them with me. IF I go back, i have no job, no place, nothing ! I know this is where I need to be, and my kids too. I hate fighting.
I am really learning alot about myself and this dating thing. Its so hard. Especially with children, and past hurts. Wow.. I am still holding on to things from the past & trying to let go, after 2 yrs now of being divorced.I serisouly am finding myself or a improved version of myself. I was dating a guy that talked and was emotionaly supportive, but not much of anything else, and the other guy was phycial attratcion but not emotioanly, and a mamas boy. i know the perfect guy doenst exsist.. but MY perfect (which means, not what someone else would consider perfect) guy is out there somewhere. I was in a ver controlling marriage, so it is very freeing to start saying no, and it feels so good. But crazy how much i became someone who had no opinion on anything anymore or even knew what I wanted.
Wow.... i am amazed at what I have experienced, these last few years. Alot of truth i didnt want to hear. and alot of reality I wanted but didnt expect the outcome.. I have heard so much about what people really do in a marriage, and was so disheartedned..... plz excuse my spelling.....and yet felt justifyed! I know of one marriage honest and happy all the others not so much. The open marraige thing ... what a mess.... the happy happy joy joy marriage... ya right..... want to clarify but so tired right now.. cant...... but so full of words and feelings i want to type away....
I was not happy with my marriage after a mth or so..... I made a decison that I regret. but tryed to make it be worth while. but it wasnt...... 2 kids and 10 yrs later.. i had enough.!!!!!!!!! to be continued....
I thought I was seeing this guy, but it really was like I was waiting around for when he wasnt busy to spend w/ me. Ugh.... I started making excuses... and realized i wasnt haveng fun, and my gut was telling me this was wrong. But even now that I know I need to walk away, it hurts. Doesnt make sence.... hes no good for me, so why does it hurt? double ugh. I have defiently realized, i am not ready for a relationship, and need to follow gut from the get go.
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Previous PostsWhat to do???, posted January 29th, 2013
Life lessons... Dateing, posted December 4th, 2012
truth, posted December 2nd, 2012
Learning.... still..., posted November 26th, 2012
Dating....after Divorce., posted October 22nd, 2012
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